Brian O’Dowd was born in Dublin. He lives in Toronto. O’Dowd is a Professor at the University of Toronto. His novel ‘A Wicklow Girl’, was published in 2017. Available on Amazon etc. Publisher: Tellwell, Canada. In 2019 he won the prestigious Prix Galien 2019 Canadian Science Award, as reported in the Irish Times.
Twelve Men Ⓒ
‘We came in peace for all mankind.’
By Brian O’Dowd
Pep talk
“Better youse focus on the topic, looking at you ‘Murphy Law’ and skeptical ‘What Your Face’. Counting down. This subject close to my emotions, need touch and go activity, no preaching. Don’t test my patience, otherwise you pick up the beer tab. Youse have been tasked to correct this ‘moon landing hoax mayhem, still spreading all over. Don’t bother besmirching Moon Landing deniers, they are misguided so banish such thinking with facts. Don’t spoil the show with ad-libbing, don’t need dopes making up stuff. This is not history of NASA but moon landing tangibles. Deviations permitted better make a point.”
Preamble Snug scatter chatter (codswallop)
Lads licking their nervous chops on the warm up.
“Begob, if NASA came asking me to be first fella up there on the moon, me with vertigo and that high up moon. Better I watch on TV with cup of tea and chocolate biscuit. Unless they’d a pot of gold!”
“Astronauts like those lads that build skyscrapers, different end of some Richter’s scale than us.”
“You don’t have a driving license, come to town on that tractor, never left the country and expecting NASA would come down boreens knocking on your half door?”
“I’m well known in the county for bike riding, I’m a right mental cyclopath, I‘ve climbed the Sugar Loaf no bother, I’d be jumping up those moon hills. So look out.”
“Maybe if put to sleep until Sea of Tranquility landing?”
“He does great wheelies, moon craters great to whip around like carnival rides.”
“Claustrophobia in those space ships more than vertigo. Not at all like the Tardis.”
“We saw Saturn rockets take off, where did they go? For a week or more? We’d see parachutes with capsule dangling, then into the ocean when the three lads popped out.”
“Earthrise photo not real? Come on, changed our view of the world, sparked all today’s environment drama.”
“Many do not know of craft landing on Mars. Or sending satellites to the giants Saturn and Jupiter and beyond to Pluto, and still going.”
“There were 400,000 on that Apollo team, all brutal smart.”
“You want proof? By the way there are a total of 96 bags of human waste on the Moon. How that got there? Case closed.”
“Not conclusive. Umanned probe dumped it there?”
“Skeptical guy back, loaded with gobbledegook. So regret inviting him.”
“Are we done, can I have a whiskey taken neat already.”
“Apollo was great for the world’s mental health. My good feelings! Thanks NASA.”
The Show
“Nick do quick fill up, tell outside rabble to shutter it. Let’s go back to Apollo times. Countdown over, light on!”
‘Begin Gray Guy. Go.’
“Moon landings were staged, so claim those with the brass necks. Best reason it’s dismissed by some as it was unbelievable! Many naysayers don’t accept their own nonsense, just devilment with yanking chains. ‘Eagle has landed’ we remember but not later lunar craft Intrepid, Antares, Falcon, Orion, Challenger. Each put two astronauts down on the moon, these men travelled out 250,000 miles through space. Those odd ball sixties you had to be there, everything NASA did awe inspiring for a young lad glorious times. Since they’ve had a few miss-steps, but still mighty. They’ve courage, curiosity and ability, answering question of where do we live? Egged on by the irreplaceable Carl Sagan they captured the ‘Pale Blue Dot’, with Voyager in 1990, Planet Earth caught in a sunbeam from 4 billion miles. Truly epic. I saw Carl give a talk, lots about Titan’s atmosphere. My regret that I did not bring one of his books for signing.”
Comments
“I tell everyone St Brendan got to America in 500 AD, landed on Moby Dick to rest, before whaling whales were friendly.”
“If you’ve an ounce of Irish shed tears with Chris Hatfield singing Danny Boy in the space station on one St Patrick’s day. Also Cady Coleman playing Chieftains tin whistle in that tin can.”
Luster Reliable, Go
“Never forget that summer evening in Notting Hill pub, July 1969, sat with pints of bitter. Then mighty gob smacked.
‘Tranquility base here. The Eagle has landed.’
What magical night is this? They arrived at a base, up there waiting? Neil Armstrong landed surrounded by boulders, tiny computer panicked warnings, with his buddy Buzz Aldrin, both staring out at the moon surface. Watched by 650 million! What a ride! Immense pride in having accomplished their end of the long march, that daring do of JFK, it was only just possible. Most of us with anxieties contemplating enormity of that airless vision outside, feeling like deep diving aquanauts. On the descent those pesky robots got frightened, Armstrong stayed cool as the penguins. Packed pub went ecstatic, every man jack and gals away with cheering. Like three years previous winning Jules Rimet World cup with Geoff Hurst’s hat trick. Flight Director Gene Kranz, 36 years old, moments previous gave Armstrong bravest and historic order in the midst of confusing alarms.
‘Go for landing’
Overriding computers over field of unexpected boulders, Neil touched down with 20 seconds of fuel.
‘We copy you on the ground. Lots of smiling faces.’
No problem mission control, maybe refuel at ‘Tranquility base’ order ice cream and a burger. Watch a space movie, have a kip.”
‘Comments’
“Get flustered missing a petrol station going to Courtown with quarter tank, wife and kids and pooch. Know how those lads were feeling.”
“What class of people produced these fellas?”
“Neil spoke of family roots in Fermanagh. Cattle rustlers! Few years previously he was on Gemini 8 rocket with David Scott, March 16, 1966. Succeeded in a docking, first between two spacecraft. Spacecraft began to roll, even when undocked they were tumbling, somehow Armstrong rescued their lives. To give astronauts practice piloting the lander on descent, NASA used ‘Flying Bedsteads’ training craft. On May 6, 1968, 100 feet up, lander failing, Armstrong ejected before it hit the ground. Then headed straight to his office desk, got back to work. Later said he had essential experience in piloting those earth bound craft. Armstrong on Apollo 11 faced with vital docking maneuvers over the moon, with his nerves of steel all worked flawlessly. Congrats to the engineers that designed and built these unique crafts.”
‘Whimsical Contraire Fellow. Go.’
“Unmanned Surveyor 3 craft landed April 20, 1967 at Mare Cognitum sent photos of lunar landing sites. November 19, 1969 Apollo 12 landed within walking distance, Conrad and Bean removed pieces of Surveyor including the camera, only craft visited from another world. That camera displayed at National Air and Space Museum in Washington. Unfortunately Alan Bean earlier tilted his own camera lens towards the Sun and rendered useless. Still recall disappointment, we saw nothing on TV.”
‘Hop Scotch Man. Go’
“Apollo 15, August 1971, Scott on lunar Plain of Hadley dropped a feather and hammer, hit the ground same time. Put nails in coffin of naysayers, how they gonna fake that back then? Touché!”
‘Comments’
“Giant ostrich feather, cardboard hammer? Perhaps.”
“True enough. Okay, fair play.”
“Au contraire it was an 0.03 kg feather from a falcon named Baggin, and 1.32 kg hammer, on release they fell 1.6 meters. Moon’s vacuum and Galileo’s learning from that leaning tower in Pisa, feather remains on the moon. Hammer needed for chipping rocks.”
“Finally a know it all, be on your toes.”
“He’s a ringer, making us look bad, like having Georgie Best for five aside kick about.”
“These guys two a penny out by posh nob hills round Dalkey. Foisted on us journey men.”
“Bullock harbour when tide comes in lifts all our boats.”
“In which harbour do I keep a boat? I play with boats enjoying my bath.”
“How he keeps them details stored in his noggin, ain’t natural.”
“It’s sea air, always smarter after Sunday afternoon out by Sandycove.”
‘Jalopy Guy. Go.’
“Apollo unequaled in planet history. How dare anyone believe we sat watching a movie on the 17 inch black and white boob tube, not a moon landing! After Apollo 11, 12 and 14 decided they needed a lunar car! Possible in madcap sixties! No environmental impact survey on lunar terrain required. In that rover Apollo 15 Scott and Irwin travelled 17 miles, it’s 12 miles from Dublin to Bray, to collect better choice of rocks, including ‘Genesis Rock’ from the lunar crust. Driving like a ‘bucking bronco’, rover wheel tracks observed by Lunar Reconnaissance orbiter in 2009. After the rover success they considered a motor bike, inspired by Easy Rider movie? On Apollo 17 Cernan’s hammer jammed the rover fender, popped it off. Creating a hazard, causing ‘rooster tails’ spreading dust. They jimmied a replacement with duct tape and map folders, cockamamie job, but worked! Folders returned, now in National Air and Space Museum, Washington, DC.”
‘Hectoring Hector. Go.’
“With NASA searching for life out there, as a teenager in Stoneybatter I was looking for a life. Learning the ropes, secrets of creating life all hidden like the dark side of the moon. Later I learned needed to put a ring on the chosen one, as also discovered with most giant planets. Soviet Luna 3 photographed the cratered far side of the Moon on October 7, 1959, still only observed by 24 Apollo men. I saw that photo in the Evening Herald on Grafton street. They briefly considered landing Apollo 17 on the far side. Strange Lunar tunes, eerie woo-woo sound’, first reported by Apollo 11 Michael Collins, on the moon far side. Also Apollo 10 crew on the far side reported hearing ‘outer-space music’, only now released after 50 years! True origins remain up in the air. Maybe life is all over the Universe, I doubt that, not simple starting cells, likely very rare. Over next million years as we will populate the galaxy, needing that sixties spirit. They’re now developing microprobes propelled by laser get to planet Proxima B, 4 light years away!”
‘One Shot Guy. Go.’
“Bete noire of deniers is glorious Flag, Old Glory.
‘Look the USA flag is moving on the airless moon’.
Au contraire that flag proves it was real, consider Hollywood watching fictitious rushes in a studio.
“Hey that friggen flag is moving in the air! Idiots shoot that again. Right now! Suit them Extras up. You’ll give the whole game away”
Sixties different kettle of fish, great generation won the war, created loads of pre-boomers, everything possible, give it a shot lads. Rock and roll, lift a nation worn with Vietnam. It’s our turn to do our thing, remain in awe others could figure out space journies. We are good at exploring, ‘because it’s there’. Adding context, 33 months after Apollo 17 moon landing NASA launched twin Viking craft to Mars, landed and functioned for 6 years. 11 months to reach the red planet, launched on August 20, 1975, Viking 1 landed on July, 20 1976. Viking 2 launched on September 9, 1975, landed on September 3, 1976. Good reason to interpret their experiments revealed microscopic life. With exchange of rocks between Earth and Mars not unexpected.”
We have the guys? Desperate to go, give them a shot.
They came from the US Air force flying fantastic machines, some pilots said no to being in a tin can, wanted planes to fly. Disgrace to suggest such men would be involved in nonesence of a fabrication. NASA harnessed talents of the nation, available like no where else. Sixties was about how high can we get! To the moon, Venus and Mars and more. Planning for Viking landers began in 1968, smack dab in Apollo time! Gung-ho on steroids!”
‘Scowl Face. Go’
“Can’t stand it.”
“Remain sitting, or you’ll knock over the pints.”
“Boggles my bangles having deniers, NASA propelled by JFK moon landing exhortation in 1962. Moses and JFK both seeing promised lands never to experience. Inspired teams of expert seamstresses those ‘Sew Sisters’ stitching gloves, suits and boots all needed X ray inspection. Immediately in 1962 NASA ordered construction of Saturn V rockets to deliver landing of men on the Moon. Your basic run of the mill first time moon visit with three fellas required five and half million mechanical parts. Phew who knew! Saturn V weighed 2,950 tons at launch. Alan Shepard on Apollo 14 added a club and balls to play golf on the moon at Fra Mauro. Club is in the USGA Golf Museum, N.J. Fun fact one of the golf balls found 50 years later from improved scans of Apollo 14 film!”
‘Lost Late Guy. Go.’
“Scott’s first word on Apollo 15 landing ‘Bam’ given hard landing, he and Irwin first to sleep without space suits, July 1971. Spent an amazing 67 hours on the Moon, while module pilot Alfred Worden circled the Moon 74 times, Apollo 11 had stayed for 22 hours. Apollo 15 left a ‘Fallen Astronaut’ statue with names of 14 astronauts and cosmonauts died in space endeavors, Bible placed on the rover. Apollo 16 left a photo, ‘Family of astronaut Charlie Duke from planet Earth who landed on the moon on April 20, 1972’. Neil Armstrong put a bracelet in a crater with Karen his daughter’s name, she had died aged two. Gene Shoemaker, geologist, also co-discovered a comet Shoemaker–Levy 9, only person to have their ashes flown to the Moon, carried on Lunar Prospector space probe.”
‘Stringent Guy. Go.’
“What happened to America when psychedelic sixties were done? Apollo sent 24 heroes to the moon, 12 landed all returned. Three made the trip twice, Lovell, Young and Cernan. Imagine! Now with crazy words flying about saying it never happened, glibly maintaining it was movie magic in 1969! Like reporting Columbus sailors sailed Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria anchored at Aran islands not Hispaniola. Many appear to have a delightful satisfaction in declaring they ‘don’t believe’ it happened. Nothing survives ‘Van Allen belts’, how would they know? Well proof of the pudding is in the eating, going and returning, don’t hang around those belts. Apollo 9 first to enter, crew survived, don’t dwell you’ll be right as rain.”
‘Comments’
“Reminiscent of Gaza pyramids, no traces on the monuments of builders, even today unbelievable. Must be aliens.”
“Made of rocks from quarries if graphene I’d be proper baffled.”
“Maybe aliens were Incas or something?”
“Pushing it down the road, same difference.”
“That’s it? Pay for the next round!”
‘Remaining Monocle Geezer. Go.’
“Patrick Moore, esteemed BBC commentator declared, ‘I may be accused of being a dinosaur, but I would remind you dinosaurs ruled the Earth for a long time.’ He and viewers like me observed the moon through portal of Apollo 8 capsule. Keen eyed Patrick with the monocle was spell bound as the large Copernicus crater appeared on the fly by. No need for a lunar lander on that trip, but April 1970 on Apollo 13 a lunar lander saved the crew including James Lovell on his second trip. Most profound Christmas Eve in 1968 as Anders, Borman and Lovell read from Genesis.
‘We are now approaching lunar sunrise, and for all the people back on Earth, the crew of Apollo 8 has a message that we would like to send to you.’
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Riveting, first explorers at the moon gifted us extended understanding of where we lived, even how we were created. Grew up with Rathmines library thumbing well worn Jules Verne books. Apollo 8 equipped with adequate technology, but riskier than Captain Cooke sailing ships. No islands to take a break, needed to bring their oxygen. When Patrick Moore declared ‘one of the great moments of human history’, broadcast interrupted by Jackanory, an entirely enjoyable children show.”
‘I’ll tell you a story
About Jack a Nory,
And now my story’s begun;
I’ll tell you another
Of Jack and his brother,
And now my story is done.’
old English nursery rhyme
‘Comments’ “Wearing that plastic monocle for a radio show! Brilliant. I’ve read Patrick Moore met Orville Wright, Yuri Gagarin, and Neil Armstrong! Amazing, what a wonderful man.”
‘Sly Spy Man. Go.’
“To be clear with that moniker I’m undercover only with rain. So whither the Soviets, why did they not land a cosmonaut on the moon? February 1966, Soviets landed their unmanned lunar Luna 9, their manned landing was expected two years later. Perhaps the Soviets could have pre-empted the Apollo 8 flight to orbit the moon. However as CIA reported. ‘A Soviet unmanned space launched toward the moon on 3 July, 1969 ended in failure as a result of an explosion.’ Later satellites showed launch pad destroyed. Accounts reported a camaraderie between space travellers. With cosmonauts wishing for safe arrival for Neil and Buzz at sea of Tranquility.”
‘Persistent Tough Question Guy. Go.’
“Michael Faraday explaining electricity to William Gladstone ‘but what use is it?’
‘Why, sir,’ replied Faraday, ‘soon you will soon be able to tax it!’
‘The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.’ As Oscar Wilde had warned. So what good is our moon? I live in Sandymount and the sea goes out far, like a tsunami coming. Okay always been the tide but if a tsunami how would we know? Head to higher ground, Howth across the bay, needing a boat with ample water. Better question why did NASA abandon the Moon? Lost opportunities, failure to thrive with such a lead, seems incomprehensible neglect that manned lunar landings ended over 50 years ago. Now there is a suggestion the 400 ton elderly Space station could eventually be crashed on the moon surface. Metal to be repurposed in the future. Recent years NASA paying Russia to get back to the Space station, NASA now planning to go back to the moon. In pioneer days what if wagon trains halted at Detroit. ‘Okay lads and ladies that’s far enough’. In 1400s China ‘Treasure Fleet’ ready set to sail the ocean blue, instead burned their boats, China had 3,500 ships, but by 1525 all gone. China destroyed their world-dominating navy, Emperors banned ocean voyages, for confusing reasons. Why the Industrial revolution started in Western Europe, and first circumnavigation was Magellan’s Expedition sailing from Spain in 1519, returned in 1522 having crossed three oceans. I don’t understand but somehow solar wind deposited more than 1 million tons of helium-3 on the Moon’s surface. Another stable form of helium with potential as a fuel for nuclear fusion.
‘There’s helium-3 in them thar lunar hills.’
So better get back up there.”
‘Comments’
“Beautiful Concorde, also stopped in it’s tracks.”
“Moon dust troubled the astronauts. Nasty stuff. The regolith.”
‘Bizarre guy. Well okay Go. If you must.’
“Not a moon fan, now that we know it better,
up close scary with scars, lifeless yoke staring,
brutal climate, with regolith nightmare for biology.
Not been back in 50 years, must be not that into it.
Once we grow up proper, fix this neighbourhood,
resources need shifting, arrived in knock about way.
Bring over moon Europa, same size, swap it out,
our moon dispatched to Mercury, blow that dust.
Won’t be easy, will be hard as once stated before.
Warmed up spinning Europa, bright joy to behold,
wasted out there in Jupiter’s ‘No man’s land’.
Sailing, fishing, surfing, submarine rides, houseboats,
that sandbox is ours, even likely the entire solar system,
no one else local smart enough to be medaling.
Well best check that Phobos Monolith, to be sure.
Next defrost Antarctica, abundant buried lands.
Pump and store water on over flow to Europa.
After all very Ancients could move 100 ton blocks.
No bother. Tout suite.”
Show over
“That’s a wrap, next time! Adios.”
In the Aftermath
“Oh boy I’m rocked, heavy duty goings on. I think we’ll convert some.”
“Liked tasks to remodel. Remember do no harm.”
“We’re not living in caves, we’ve improved here. Have unaffordable houses all over and condos for 50 million dollars in New York city. Electric tooth brushes, when our grand parents put them in a jar.”
“Never seen Moon places named after JFK? Right?”
“Do not tread on twelve men’s footsteps, none of us worthy.”
“NASA with so many irons in the fire!”
The Galway Review 