Aisling De Barra graduated from University College Cork in 2017 with a BA in English.

Since then, she has gained experience in the field of teaching and proofreading.

She is currently living in Cork with her wife and foster son.

MIDNIGHT

By Aisling De Barra

It is within life’s greatest simplicities that pleasure can be felt. For me, midnight is my pleasure. The midnight air carries secrets and stories whistling through the sky. There is something special about looking up at the bright moon; like a guiding light in the midst of darkness. I find the dead of night to be a comforting time to be awake. Whilst most people are sleeping, or at least winding down, I am experiencing something which they are not. It makes me feel important, superior, and I dare say better. The silence of the night starkly contrasts the hectic daytime. I feel empowered in this moment. I feel I have the ability to combat anything. I take a sharp breath in through my mouth, feeling my lungs fill up like two mirrored balloons. I leave my arms fall to my side and slowly allow my head to roll backwards. I close my eyes and gently glide my hands through the dewy, glistening grass; feeling the cold resonate on my hands, as if the droplets have found their forever home.

The simplicity and security of nature makes my heart feel hopeful. It’s as if I am the owner of a secret that cannot be shared with those who are drifting into a peaceful slumber.

As I start to open my eyes, I see light creeping through the sky. With light, comes people, stealing me of my secrets.

Now you see, the light contrasts the secrecy of the night. It brings those deep, dark thoughts to the surface, broadcasting them on skyscrapers in Times Square. The dread the first light brings makes me want to hide; to run inside the comfort of my home, close the blinds and bundle myself under blankets on the couch.

The dreamy midnight is not there to last. It is not there to provide infinite solace. It is there to allow hopes and dreams to flourish. It is there to reset and unwind. Midnight comforts those who ask.

Now that she is gone, my only solace is to sit outside, with nature, and feel what everyone was born to feel. With nature, nothing is fake. Leaves blowing on trees intend to do so. They are not forced by anything, just gently nudged by the wind. The shrews underneath the ground purposely make a high-pitched twittering sound in order to find their way. None of it is forced, none of it is fake; it is as real as it comes. People don’t follow the rules of nature. They can play the role of a nice character with Oscar worthy technical excellence, all the while anticipating and hoping for your demise.

People struggle to understand my grief and there is not a human in the world that comes close to the characteristics of my love. But nature provides me with memories. The cold air reminds me that she once made me warm. The speed at which the bats fly overhead remind me of our swooping romance. It reminds me of the pace at which I fell in love with her. The gigantic trees which obscure my view of the night sky remind me of the capacity of my love that I will always have. Even the introduction of the light at dawn reminds me of my terrible loss and each time dawn comes around, my heart breaks again.

She provided me with nurture to live happily and I seek nature to join her repeatedly.